My Parents Branded Me A Prisoner Until I Came Home In Uniform-heuh

For four years, my parents told people I was in prison.

Not away.

Not estranged.

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Not serving overseas.

Prison.

They said it in the corner shop, at church, outside front doors, over cups of tea, and in that lowered voice people use when they are enjoying the shame but pretending they are not.

They said I had gone bad.

They said they had done everything they could.

They said, with great sadness and perfect timing, that some children simply break your heart.

The truth was folded in my jacket pocket when I came home.

Military ID.

Discharge papers.

The last of my travel documents.

Four years of service reduced to a few stiff sheets of paper that smelled faintly of rain and airport coffee.

I had crossed half the world imagining the same front door.

The pale paint around the frame.

The narrow step where Mum used to leave muddy wellies after gardening.

The little stone birdbath beside the post box.

I had pictured Dad pretending not to cry.

I had pictured Mum saying my name once, then again, as though she had to test whether I was real.

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