Soldier Came Home To His Feverish Baby And A House Full Of Lies-Teptep

After eight months on deployment, I came home expecting the first sound to be laughter, or at least the awkward quiet of a family trying not to cry.

Instead, I heard my newborn son crying from upstairs.

It was not the strong cry I had imagined on the nights when sleep would not come.

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It was thin, tired, and stretched too far.

The sort of cry that sounds as if a baby has already given up on being answered.

Then my mother’s voice drifted down the hallway.

“Leave him,” she said. “If you keep picking him up, he’ll never learn.”

My hand stayed on the door handle for a moment longer than it should have.

The house smelled wrong.

Not dirty exactly, but stale in the way a house becomes when people have stopped caring what anyone else has to live with.

There was old formula in the air, heating too long in a room that should have been cool.

A mug of tea had been abandoned on the hall table beside the post.

A damp coat hung from the hooks by the stairs, dripping slowly onto the mat.

My kit bag slipped from my shoulder and hit the floor.

No one came to greet me.

No one called my name.

Eight months away teaches you things you would rather not know.

You learn how a room feels before anyone admits there is danger in it.

You learn that silence can be louder than shouting.

You learn that the pause between two cries can tell you more than a whole conversation.

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